01 February 2017

Anxiety etc

Work has started on the resurfacing of the road outside, with the excitement of watching the big machines tearing up the tarmac and then replacing it -

Resurfacing was needed - sleep has been disturbed in early mornings and late at night by the buses having a clear run, at what sounds like breakneck speed, down to the bus stop. Under the road just outside the house is a pipe, and the tarmac tends to sink at just that spot, causing juddering. A fresh surface will hopefully stop that for a while.

So it was with some despair that on waking I heard the buses speeding by and felt increased juddering, along with some alarming sounds like the wood in the walls cracking. Immediately my imagination went into overdrive - not a good way to wake up, and all morning I couldn't settle to anything.

Having eaten some chocolates left over from Christmas, and made a second big pot of coffee - and feeling more anxious than ever - I decided to go out and speak to "the guys" and find out what was happening. It was reassuring - there will be a second layer of asphalt, and that will make a difference. (Though the proof of that pudding will be in the eating.)

In the menatime, having spread my gloom and fears to several friends in emails, coincidentally I read this article while having coffee. "A trouble shared is a trouble multiplied" - oh dear!

Anxiety wants to travel from one person to another ...
When it comes to worry and anxiety ... unlike other negative emotions, they seem productive; chewing over a problem feels like doing something about it. And so we’d like others to share our worry: that way, several people will be “working” on the problem. The hitch, of course, is that worry isn’t really productive: usually, it’s a distraction, and leads to lower-quality work. 
And note this:
Worrying is the practice of trying to reach a state of serenity by engaging in precisely the activity that guarantees you’ll never get there. So you’re hardly helping an anxious person by joining them in this self-defeating spiral. 
This is the helpful bit:
At [Mike Montiero's] design studio, they have a rule: Stop Adopting Other People’s Anxiety. “Once a client becomes anxious,” Monteiro writes, “their primary goal becomes to make you anxious, because that justifies their own anxiety.” 
Being calm keeps your worry level in check. Calm and action. What one little thing can you do about it right now - talk to someone? make a list? clear a space? empty a bag? go for a walk?


magsramsay said...

I find putting into words your worries and anxieties diffuses them even if you don't share them.

M said...

I don't really belive that a anxiety shared is an anxiety multiplied! Usually other people can help reassure you, to gain some perspective or at least suggest some ways to help if you have good reason to be anxious.

irene macwilliam said...

friends and family can sometimes feel upset if a loved one does not talk to them about worries. What about the saying a trouble shared is a trouble halved, I do not believe it is wrong to share your anxieties, you are not necessarily putting a burden on others. Often those one shares the troubles with can see the way out or at least a way to help alleviate the anxieties. This is such a big subject so much to discuss about it all.

Patricia G said...

Listening to others' worries can help you put yours into perspective ... or take your mind off them.